Warning: Crazy lady rant.......

I sat for a long time today in the backyard, just listening to the birds and soaking up the sunshine. Normally that would have energized me, but not today. I don't know if I just miss home, Deshawn and Sean so much or if I am drowning in depression. I think it is the combination of everything. I feel like I have no purpose. I know I am loved that has never been an issue, at least not in my adult life, but I wonder if I am needed. My husband needs me, but for what ( I mean other than the physical stuff). to clean the house? to cook dinner? there has to be more. I am hoping this feeling of uselessness goes away when I go back to school in June...but what do I do until then. I am not good at "busy work" or crafts or anything like that. And I certainly don't want to spend all my time in front of the T.V or the computer. How do stay at home parents do this? I am bored out of my mind. I have finished reading one book and half way through the second book that I brought down here to Houston and I have only been here for a week. One can read only for so long before your eyes begin to cross.I have written in my journal until my brain can no longer produce words and my hands are so cramped that I can hardly move them. I have typed more blogs and emails than I normally do in a months time. I keep thinking maybe when I get home it will be better...but won't I be doing the same thing there as I am here...minus helping Ben? I need purpose and direction and I know that these things need to come from within but I fear that I am empty.