I wonder

I wonder if it is my plot in life to be in pain ALL the time. What purpose does this serve? Am I supposed to help other people learn how to deal with both physical and emotional pain? If this is the case I wish I would get some guidance on how I am supposed to do this. I am tired of crying either because my body hurts or because my heart hurts or both. Normal people are not made to endure this kind of pain on a daily basis. I don't want or need sympathy from anyone. What I want is a reason or maybe just direction. Why did I have to loose MY son, why do I constantly hurt? I know I abused my body for years and that part of this is the price I must pay, but DAMN!! My life has not been an easy one and I feel like I have done okay despite that fact, but I am tired now and would like some peace.