Why is it then when you want people to be around you they aren't and when you want to be left alone they don't. I used to always say that about my kids...why, when I want to play and hang out with them they push me away and when I want Me time they bombarded me with questions and needs..not allot has changed with Sean these days. I know he has a lot on his plate and I am just trying to help, but I don't think pushing any help away at this point is a good idea. But really me feeling left out with Sean is just the icing on the proverbial cake. I feel like that in every aspect of my life right now. Kind of like I am looking in at my own life through a window.
I am trying to participate but it just seems that life is passing me by at an alarmingly fast rate and there is nothing I can do about it. I have begun to question all of my decisions and second guessing myself. I feel like I have tossed out a line for someone to grab on to and help me figure this out and I don't have any takers. Don't get me wrong I am blessed with some of the best friends in the world. Michel and Heather have been on the phone with me I don't know how many times just listening to my emotional vomit, and always seem so happy to do it. But I still have this feeling of falling, like everything is happening too fast, or too slow and I just can't get my pace to match my life's pace.I feel like the Heidi Klum line from Project Runway..."one day you are in and the next you are out...."
2 comments:
Well you are always in with me. As for how to face these hard times I dont know if i can be much help, maybe we can learn a leson from the Muffers cats they always seam to land on their feet. Sometimes they are not all that pleasant to be around but they are on their feet and surviveing in this world.
Lyndi,
Yes you have a lot on your plate. I also understand the feeling of drowning. When you feel like you are drowning, lie back and float.
Catch your breath, then tread water. It is ok. Trust yourself. You have survived this long by doing that and you are doing better than you think. You have a good mind, a kind heart and there is an inner strength that will see you thru. I believe in you. Hang in.
Love always,
Muff
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