close my eyes

It's been a month now since we lost Stephen. When all of this first happened I would see him in my dreams lost in a field calling my name. I believe that he was not really lost but calling my name to let me know he was okay. Then my dreams were of Stephen laughing with his brother or Sable, I liked thoes dreams. Here lately I am remembering that horrible day that Sean found him and that very long ride to the hospital. I don't know why thoes images are coming back NOW. It makes it hard to close my eyes. It scares Sean when I cry and I need to be strong for him and for the rest of the people in my life that loved Stephen and who love me. I would give anything to turn back time but I can't do that. I want to be able to sleep without these awful sights running around in my head. In time I hope they just go away. People keep telling me that I need to take care of myself but thats hard to do when I am afraid to sleep. I am so tired but I don't want to close my eyes.