another hard day

I know that there will be alot of hard days,and I would like to think I am prepared for them. Everyone one tells me how amazed they are at how strong I am But it's all an act.I am not strong at all I just know that there is nothing I can do to change what has happened.I feel broken. The pain of loosing Stephen is sufficating.So many have said move on, and really what choice do I have. I get up every morning, I take a deep breath and wish I had just one more day to tell Stephen I love him.If I could have traded places with him I would have in a heartbeat.My family and friends tell me that they need me here.I need Stephen here. I spent today packing up some of his things, not because I want to but because it needs to be done.I look at his picture and think how can he possibly be gone? Some may be tired of reading my blogs about Stephen but if I don't let it out it will fester in my brain like an open wound.I was told that it will get easier with time, and maybe thats true. Today it is the farthest thing from the truth.I feel so alone in this. I know alot of people miss Stephen but none of them are his mother.