The good, the bad, and the Ugly

Lets talk about the good first...Deshawn and I are in such a good place right now. We are communicating with each other, spending time together, and truly enjoying what we have and where we are in our relationship. He is an amazing person and I see some new aspect of him everyday. I know this may sound cheesy but he really does make me want to be a better person and I love him for that. I have been having a hard time with a lot of things here lately and Deshawn has been very loving, supportive and understanding. We had decided that since we did not have a Christmas this year that we would make up for it when we got our tax return. Deshawn got me a great little video camera and a CD player for the truck and I got him his All American Mad Dog Tattoo and new wrestling boots, but more importantly than the gifts we have spent all weekend just hanging together...I love him so much is just amazes me.

Now the bad...Eric Terry, who is the guy that gave Stephen the dirty dope and was with him the night he overdosed has been paroled. I just don't understand our Justice system. This guy knowingly sold dirty dope to many people, put 4 people in the hospital and sat back and did nothing while Stephen died. He was sentenced to 2 years in prison for assault with intent to do bodily harm and served 6 months. I don't know, maybe going to jail was not his karmic debt, maybe there is something else...but it still pisses me off and brings all the pain of loosing Stephen up to surface again. I am trying really hard to process this and turn it over, forgive and move on, but I am having a REALLY hard time with that today.I find myself asking why is it that people like this get to live their life and Stephen's had to end. I know I will never get the answer to that question and it is a waste of energy to keep asking it... but I just can't help it. Life is not fair, I know this, but Damn!

And Now for the Ugly....I have been giving a lot of lip service to what I am going to do about my weight, and the truth is I have done nothing really. I am disgusted with myself. I feel ugly and fat. I was doing really well for a short time, going to the gym everyday, watching what I eat, walking as much as possible, then I got caught up in the stress of school and life in general.I feel defeated and I know that's a dangerous feeling for me. Food is my drug of choice, but it is hard to treat it as a drug since I can't just quit cold turkey like I did with dope. Deshawn is going to help me get back on track at the gym Monday, and I hope to be able to set up some time with our trainer Tony. I have got to get a handle on this before I die.
Well that's my life as is stands today...The good,the bad,and the ugly.