freaking out just a little...

I did not start this week off well... I was already plagued by horrible nightmares about my upcoming surgery but today has just been one disaster after another. First I woke up to my dog throwing up all over my book bag...which had my final paper in it...thankfully I got to the dog before my paper was ruined. So I went to go print my paper out again(minus the dog puke) and its not on my hard drive...anywhere. So I start to look for my flash drive...also missing AHHHHHH!!! long story short I have to rewrite my final paper from scratch and it is due tomorrow at 1pm!

Normally this would not be a problem except for the fact that I have already sold back my books and I have no idea what assessments I had written on in the first place. My mind has not exactly been on school the last week or so because I am so worried about this surgery I have coming up on Thursday! needless to say I am a little freaked out about this paper...it is worth allot towards my final grade. I keep telling myself everything will be okay but I am not believing myself! I know I can figure it out, but I am really not in the right place in my head...

On top of the paper issue I have my pre-op appointment today, I have a ton of house cleaning to do before I go into the hospital and I am scared to death about the surgery! I know Hysterectomys are common and my doctor has done many over the 20+ years he has been practicing but I am still scared. To say nothing of the fact that this is a HUGE change. Loosing parts that make me a woman is not only scary but sad. I know I don't want anymore kids, it's not that really...its just a change I was hoping would come naturally, having parts removed seems violent somehow. I know I will feel so much better afterward, but still there the fear is looming over my head. Goddess bring clamness to my thought and bravery to my heart!